A young woman finds her faith and sex intimately intertwined.
by PolySwingerWife. Listen to the ► Podcast at Connected.
Kathy and Tom attended the same seminary. They Both saw Christian ministry as their highest calling. She stayed in the women's dormitory and Tom stayed in the men's dormitory. They held hands in public, and often kissed in private. They both knew that they had to wait until after they were married to do much more.
Tom had too much respect for Kathy to ever put her in a position where she might be tempted to do more than just kiss. And She believed that sex between two people caused them to become one flesh. It was a spiritual encounter. Both agreed that their relationship was the best it could be, even without having sex with each other.
One night, She heard a couple of other women talking about sex. She stayed in the hallway and listened.
"I don't know," One woman said, "I couldn't help myself."
"Are you saying that you regret doing it?" The other woman asked.
"Oh, no. No regrets. It's just that I never thought it would be like that."
"Like what?" the other woman asked excitedly.
"It was so animalistic" The first woman explained. "It was like something washed over us and we had no control over what we were doing or what happened."
"Like what?"
"When he put his hands up my blouse and put my nipples between his fingers and he started breathing heavily and I felt his cock, it was like lightening struck and we had to get each other naked."
"And? And?" The second woman asked.
"We got naked and he got between my legs and it was like nothing I'd ever felt before. Yes. It hurt. But it felt amazing at the same time."
"Oh, my God!" exclaimed the second woman. "Tell me more."
"He was all over me. He was kissing my neck and growling and grunting. It was so surreal. I was like, Oh my God, who knew that sinning could feel so good."
"Do you think he's been with other women?" the second woman questioned.
"Not that his wife knows of, I'm sure"
Kathy was intrigued by what she was hearing, but now she wondered who this married man might be, especially since few of the women went off campus, let alone had ways of meeting other men who weren't students or teachers at the seminary.
The second woman asked, "What if Trevor finds out?"
The first woman retorted, "I didn't really think about him, until just now?"
"But he loves you, Shelly"
Kathy couldn't believe that it was Shelly, Trevor's girlfriend. Trevor was Tom's best friend. And He and Shelly were like her and Tom, together and had promised not to have sex until they were married. But Shelly had sex, with a married man. And she hadn't even thought about Trevor.
"I love Trevor." Shelly said. "Like I said, we couldn't control ourselves. it just kind of happened. And you know what? He doesn't have to know. Right? Karen?"
Karen was Shelly's best friend. When Shelly wasn't with Trevor, she was with Karen.
Karen didn't say anything for a minute, then she told Shelly, "Well. Have you always been honest with Trevor?"
"Yes."
"Well," Karen said, "You could be honest with Trevor and tell him what you did."
"No," Shelly told Karen, "Then I'd not only be messing up my own relationship, I'd be messing up Mr. Jordan's marriage. And his wife is pregnant."
"Was it worth it?" Karen asked Shelly.
"It was really fun."
"But was it really worth it?"
Shelly didn't answer for a minute, then said, "Yeah. I think it was. Mr. Jordan made me feel alive, really alive, like I was somebody, really somebody."
"So," Karen contemplated, "It was worth it to ruin another man's life and marriage and your relationship with Trevor for some meaningless sex?"
"It wasn't meaningless. It was amazing! It was incredible! I came! He came! It was wow!"
"So . . . what now?"
Shelly paused again, then told Karen, "What now? Right now I feel really good, and I don't see any reason that anyone else needs to know about this."
Karen sighed, "But you know and God knows."
Karen wondered aloud, "Is Trevor going to get sex with you now, too?"
"No." Shelly quipped, "We promised each other not to have sex until we got married."
"But you already did!"
"Yeah, but it was only once."
"But was that enough for you?"
Shelly growled, "I know I shouldn't, but I do want to be with him again."
Kathy, having heard all this, wondered what about Mr. Jordan, or sex, made Shelly want to risk her own relationship and Mr. Jordan's marriage at the same time. Mr. Jordan was not the most attractive man, and he was overweight, but that didn't seem to matter to Shelly. So, Kathy figured it had to be the sex that was worth risking everything for.
Kathy wondered about Mr. Jordan. Was he really that good, sexually? He was a great teacher, but he also cheated on his wife. He was married and his wife was pregnant, but he was willing to risk it all to have sex with Shelly. Was it Shelly who was that good in bed?
Shelly explained to Karen, "Once you have sex, you'll know what I mean. You'll know how good it feels to have a man want you and hold you and ravage you. Mr. Jordan knew how to make me feel like a real woman. He didn't see me as a student. He saw me as this sexy woman that he couldn't resist."
"And, obviously, you couldn't resist, either."
Shelly closed her eyes and thought back.
Mr. Jordan had taught on the oneness that sex brings to a man and his wife, the reason that God created sex, and why and how the marriage bed is sacred. Mr. Jordan had explained that sex is not wrong or dirty. It's just something you do only with your spouse, because it's special, a gift from God.
Shelly had stayed after class to ask Mr. Jordan some questions. When she approached Mr. Jordan's desk, she was nervous. Mr. Jordan told Shelly that no question was a wrong question to ask. Shelly asked Mr. Jordan what sex was like.
Mr. Jordan sat back in his chair, "What do you mean what's it like?"
"I mean," Shelly said, "What makes it so special? I mean other than it's a gift from God. What does it feel like to actually have sex?"
Mr. Jordan tried to be funny, "Well, since the wife is pregnant, it's been a while."
Shelly asked Mr. Jordan if he missed having sex.
"Well, of course I do."
"What do you miss the most?"
Without thinking, Mr. Jordan said, "Being able cum inside of her."
Mr. Jordan quickly apologized to Shelly who wanted to know more.
"What does it feel like for you when you cum inside your wife?"
Mr. Jordan whispered to Shelly, "This is not an appropriate topic for us to be discussing."
"I'm trying to understand, and you just gave a class on sex and how wonderful it is, and that it's a gift to us from God. No one ever talks about this. And I really want to know what it's like for a man to be with a woman like that."
Mr. Jordan tried to be tactful, "God made women's bodies for men, and men's bodies for women. When a man and woman have sex, they become one flesh. They are no longer two but one. One doesn't exist without the other. And when that oneness occurs, it's blissful and blessed by God."
As Mr. Jordan was talking, Shelly, without thinking, had been circling her breast with her right hand and rubbing her thigh with her left. And because Shelly circling her breast with her finger had excited Mr. Jordan, he had a full on erection that was very visible in the bulge in his pants.
Shelly asked Mr. Jordan, after noticing his erection, "Are you thinking about your wife right now?"
"Not right now. No. And God forgive me, but you are so beautiful to me right now."
Mr. Jordan reached into his pants to rearrange himself. Shelly blurted out, "I want to see it!"
Mr. Jordan's face went slightly pink, "Go close the door."
When Shelly returned to Mr. Jordan, he had his cock out and and had it laying on his desk. Neither Mr. Jordan or Shelly said anything for a couple minutes, until Shelly asked if she could touch it. With a shaky voice, Mr. Jordan said, "Yes. Please."
As Shelly walked around the desk, Mr. Jordan asked, "May I see your breasts?" Shelly smiled and unbuttoned her blouse.
When Shelly took Mr.Jordan's cock in her hand, he leaned forward and began kissing her. As they kissed, Shelly could feel Mr. Jordan's cock stiffen and grow. Mr. Jordan's tongue in her mouth had turned Shelly on. And she was feeling things, and emotions, she had never felt before.
Shelly loved the feeling of having Mr. Jordan's body next to hers, his cock fully erect, his tongue in her mouth. Shelly said, in a low growl, "Take me if you want me."
Mr. Jordan got Shelly's blouse and bra off quickly, and had her skirt and panties off just as quickly. Shelly struggled with Mr. Jordan's belt buckle, he helped her out and his pants and underwear dropped to the floor. Mr. Jordan picked Shelly up and sat her on his desk, got between her legs and pushed his cock into her. Shelly covered her mouth as she screamed. Mr. Jordan smiled and said to Shelly, "I forgot this was your first time. Just relax. You're going to love this."
Mr. Jordan sucked on Shelly's nipples as he pumped his cock in and out of her virgin cunt. Shelly tried to relax, and in time Mr. Jordan's cock began to feel really good. Mr. Jordan sucking her breasts felt amazing, too. Shelly remembered feeling closer to God than ever before. It was a very spiritual experience. This was what God created. And it was more than she ever imagined that it could be.
Shelly could feel Mr. Jordan's cock throughout her entire body. Her body took over and began rocking in unison with Mr. Jordan's trusts. She wrapped her arms around Mr. Jordan's back and began clawing. This excited Mr. Jordan even more. Mr. Jordan's thrust quickened and the power of his thrusts increased and Shelly felt full and fulfilled, both physically and spiritually.
Shelly moaned, "And I was going to put this off till I was married. Oh. God! Thank you for this gift."
Mr. Jordan grunted, "Yes. This is what God wants us to do."
Shelly told Mr. Jordan, "It's what I want, too"
Mr. Jordan added, "Your body was made for this cock. This is what God's love is all about. I want to love you like Christ loves his church. God gave me this cock to give to you. And he wants me in every part of your body."
Shelly told Mr. Jordan, "Do God's will, Mr. Jordan. Do God's will."
Mr. Jordan pulled out of Shelly and had her turn around and lie on the desk. Once Shelly's feet were on the floor, Mr.Jordan got behind her and entered her again. Shelly knew that this was God's will. And she knew that Mr, Jordan needed her as much as she needed him. Shelly hadn't intended on having sex with Mr, Jordan. She was only really interested in knowing what sex was like. She had no idea that Mr. Jordan would be willing to show her rather than tell her.
Shelly knew that it was God's plan for her and Mr. Jordan to get together in this way, because it wasn't until after Mr. Jordan came inside of her that his pager went off. His wife was calling him. He'd stayed longer at school than he usually had. And his wife didn't page him until after he'd came inside of her.
As they got dressed, Mr. Jordan told Shelly that no one could know about what had just happened. Shelly assured Mr. Jordan that no one else would ever know.
Once they were both dressed, Mr. Jordan told Shelly, "It's times like this that you know that God is real."
Shelly smiled, "Today was the first time in my life that I actually felt God."
Mr. Jordan patted Shelly's rump, "I think that today we were both filled with the Holy Spirit."
Karen told Shelly, "I'm not so sure that what you and Mr. Jordan did was God's will."
"How do you know what God's will is?"
"We have the Bible that tells us what God's will is. And what you did was adultery."
Shelly argued, "I didn't intend to have sex with Mr. Jordan. I just wanted to know what it felt like. And I don't think that Mr. Jordan even had thoughts of having sex with me before I asked him. It just happened. It was like we were being forced together by God."
"Or by Satan."
Kathy didn't know what to think or feel. She knew that when she and Tom got married that she wanted to experience what Shelly already had with Mr, Jordan. She hoped that when she and Tom had sex that it would be as exciting as the sex that Shelly and Mr. Jordan had.
Kathy knew that what Shelly and Mr. Jordan had done was adultery. She felt bad for Mrs. Jordan, and for Trevor. She knew how she'd feel if Tom ever cheated on her with another woman. And she knew that if Mrs. Jordan or Trevor ever found out about Shelly and Mr. Jordan that they'd be crushed.
She decided that the best thing she could do was go to her room and pray for guidance.
Tom and Trevor had finished studying. Tom and Trevor were roommates. Trevor asked Tom, "Do you ever have fantasies involving Kathy?"
Tom looked at Trevor, confused, "What do you mean, fantasies?"
"Like, have you ever thought about all the things you want Her to do, or what you want to do to her, sexually?"
Tom paused for a moment, "I love Her. And I want to marry her."
"But don't you ever think about seeing her naked, spread out on your bed, wanting you to do everything to her that you want?"
Tom told Trevor, "We're Christians. We're not to have impure thoughts."
"But we're guys. And it happens."
"You have these types of thoughts a lot?" Tom asked.
"Well, not a lot, but often, I guess."
Tom asked Trevor what he thought about when he had these fantasies.
"To be honest, when I think about Shelly, sexually, I think about how amazing it would be to watch her with another man."
"Are you kidding me?"
Tom admitted to Trevor, "To be honest, I've never thought about Her that way."
"What do you mean? You've never thought about having sex with Her?"
"I like kissing her and holding her hand. But because I'm a Christian, I would never think of Her like that."
"Yes. You're a Christian, but you're also a guy."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Trevor shook his head, "Wow. I can't believe that you've never thought a sexual thought about Her, or any girl for that matter." Then Trevor asked Tom, "You're not gay, are you?"
Tom sneared at Trevor, "No. I'm not gay."
"Then how," Trevor asked, "Can you not have ever had a sexual thought about Her, or any other girl?"
Tom told Trevor, "The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body."
Trevor sighed, "Man. You can be Christian and you can be too Christian. God gives us liberties that free us from cultural moral taboos. And it was God that created sex. The fact that you don't think about sex says that you are either still a kid, or you think that you're above such things."
Trevor asked Tom if he'd ever even brought up the subject of sex with Her.
Tom told Trevor, "You know what? No. I have never talked about sex with Her. And you want to know why? I'll tell you why. I have never talked with Her about sex because for one I'm a Christian man. Second, I love her and would never put sexual thoughts in her head. And third, sex is a violent act that no woman should ever have to experience."
Trevor was totally confused, "What are you talking about, man? I'm not talking about rape here. I'm talking about just having sex with a woman. You want her. She wants you. And in my case, I'm not doing anything but wanting to watch."
Tom asked Trevor if he was hearing himself. "You're talking about wanting to watch the woman you profess to love have sex with another man. So, what you're saying is that you don't want to commit the act yourself, but you want to witness the sins of others?"
Trevor admitted that he'd never had sex, but that he had always enjoyed the thought of watching other people have sex.
Tom asked Trevor if he ever told Shelly about his wants and desires. Trevor admitted that he hadn't, but that he'd wanted to talk to her about it.
When Tom asked Trevor why he never brought this up to Shelly, Trevor told him, "You know, I don't know, but because you've put it that way, I'm going to."
When Kathy returned to her room, after hearing Shelly tell Karen about her and Mr. Jordan, she asked her roommate, Marcia, "Can I ask you something?"
Marcia put down her Bible and her studies and said, "Sure."
Kathy took a minute, then asked Marcia, "Do you ever think about sex, like with you and Geoff?"
Marcia smiled, "Oh. Is someone thinking about wanting to have sex?"
Kathy took another minute, then asked, "Do you think it's wrong to think about sex?"
Marcia told Her, "I think that everyone thinks about sex."
"But do you think it's wrong to think about it?"
Marcia asked Her what was going on.
She sighed, "When Tom and I are together, we kiss and hold hands, and sometimes I want him to do more."
"Like what?" Marcia asked.
Kathy said, "There's times when I'd like him to want to hold me, put his arms around me. There's times when I want to feel his body next to mine."
Marcia told Her that there was nothing wrong with having those desires.
Marcia told Her, "I have dreams about me and Geoff. We're out in the forest. The sun is shining. He looks at me and pulls me in close to him. We kiss, deeply. He puts his hands on my breasts and I reach down and put my hands to his crotch. He's hard and he pushes me to the ground and tears my top off and gets between my legs and has his way with me . . ."
Kathy put her hands up, "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You really have these dreams?"
Marcia laughed, "I'm a woman for God's sake. So, yes."
Marcia saw the concern on Kathy's face and asked again, "What's really going on, Kathy?"
She sighed, "I love Tom. And I know we're supposed to abstain from sexual immorality, but sometimes I want to be more intimate with Tom. I want him to desire me like a man is supposed to desire a woman. And I don't know if he does."
"You need to tell him." Marcia told Her. "Maybe he doesn't know that you want him to want you that way."
She told Marcia that she wanted to know more about her dreams.
"Well." Marcia said, "They get pretty steamy. He becomes an animal, not a real animal, but he let's his desires take over, and he takes me."
"And you want this?"
"Oh, My God. Yes!" Marcia said excitedly. "If Geoff really did all the things I've dreamed about, I have a feeling we'd both be much happier."
Marcia could see that She was distressed. "Again, what's this all about? What's really going on with you?"
Kathy shook her head, "I don't know. I've prayed about this time and again. I don't want to go against God, but I also want to be wanted. I feel that Tom loves me, but as a friend, not as a mate. I'm not saying that we have to have sex, but it'd be nice if he showed me some desire."
Marcia told Her, "You and Tom have been boyfriend and girlfriend since you were in church camp? And all you've ever done is kiss on the lips and hold hands? You have to admit that's kind of weird. You're both adults now. And desire is natural. And if you want to get right down to it, God gave us these desires."
Marcia asked, "So, you and Tom have never ever talked about sex?"
"We've talked about the scriptures and sexual immorality."
"Okay, scriptures," Marcia said. "How about these? I arose to open to my beloved; And my hands dripped with myrrh, And my fingers with liquid myrrh,
On the handles of the bolt. My beloved extended his hand through the opening,
And my feelings were aroused for him."
Kathy's eyes widened, "Where is that from?"
Marcia held up her Bible.
Kathy asked where she'd read that.
Marcia told Her to read the Song of Songs. She told Her, "Everyone wants to be desired. And even Solomon, who had numerous wives and concubines, had a special desire for one."
The following morning, Kathy and Tom met for breakfast. She asked Tom if they could talk about something serious. He said, "Of course." She took a minute, then asked Tom, "Do you ever think about me, sexually?"
Tom was silent for a moment, then he asked Her, "Why is everyone talking about sex lately?" Then Tom added, "First Trevor starts telling me about all his immoral fantasies. And now you bring up sex. What gives?"
She looked around, then quietly asked Tom, "Haven't you ever just wanted to feel my breasts? Or maybe see them?"
Tom looked at Her, sternly, "I'm a Christian man. And I love and respect you. I never once have thought about your breasts or wanted to touch or feel them, because we are not married, and God . . ."
"Are you kidding me?" She sternly inquired. "In all the time we've known each other, you've never once wanted to see me naked or had one sexual thought about you and me?"
Tom, without thinking, blurted out, although quietly, "Would you prefer I be like Trevor and want you to have sex with other men?"
Kathy was taken aback, "Trevor wants me to have sex with other men?"
Tom sighed, almost disgusted, "No. But he told me that he has fantasies about seeing Shelly having sex with other men." Tom then said, "We're in seminary. We're supposed to be focused on God and his will for us, not lustful thoughts."
Kathy took a minute, then she told Tom, "I can't count the times that I've dreamed about our wedding night, how many times I've thought about us being naked together and becoming one flesh, as God intended." She looked at Tom directly, eye to eye, "So, are you saying that I'm wrong for wanting this for us?"
Tom told Her, "I love you and I respect you. And I'm sorry if it hurts you that I don't think of you like you're some whore or something."
Kathy looked at Tom, dumbfounded, "A woman wanting to have sex with her fiance' is a whore?"
In his defense, Tom told Her, "I see you as so much more than a whore."
"Oh. That's nice." Kathy said, sarcastically. "You know hearing that turns a woman on. Right?"
Trying to defend himself again, Tom said, "I wasn't trying to turn you on."
"Well," She told Tom, "You sure as hell didn't do that,"
"What's going on, Kathy?" Tom queried.
"It doesn't matter," She told Tom. "I have to get going."
Dr. Anne Jordan, Mr, Jordan's wife, was one of the school counselors. Kathy made an appointment to see her.
"Kathy," Anne said. "What can I do for you today?"
She took a minute to respond, then said, "Can I ask you some questions relating to sex?"
"Sure."
She paused again, then said, "I've known my boyfriend since we were 13. We met at church camp. We're to get married when we graduate. We've not had sex, but I've thought about it. I want him to want me. I want him to think of me the way I think of him."
"How do you think of him?"
She wrung her hands, "I think of him as my soulmate, the man I want to marry and spend my life with, but I also see him as a man. When I think of him, I think of what it will be like to be married to him, to love him and make love to and with him."
"Okay."
"But he doesn't see me the same way."
Anne asked, "How do you think he sees you?"
"I believe he's asexual."
"And what does that mean to you?"
"It means that he doesn't see me as a sexual mate."
"And how does that make you feel?"
"Like I've wasted the last eight years or so."
"So, you don't think that you can love him being asexual?" Anne asked.
"I can love him, but he'll never be able to love me the way that I need to be loved."
She mentioned to Anne, "It's obvious that you've experienced the type of love that I need."
Anne looked down at her swollen belly and rubbed it, "Since I became pregnant, and began showing, Mr. Jordan hasn't loved me in that way for some time, but I know that he still loves me."
Anne continued, saying, "Men are strange creatures. I and my desires for Mr. Jordan haven't changed, but I understand that he loves me, even though we are not intimate the way we used to be."
Anne explained to Her, "If we were to marry someone with the same exact sexual desires and drive as our own, we could experience physical pleasure without ever pursuing true sexual intimacy. In fact, I believe that sexual incompatibility is a gift and a part of God's intentional design because it requires that an excellent sex life involve more than the pursuit of selfish pleasure."
She asked Anne, "Are you saying that my desire to have a sexual life with Tom, when we get married, is me being selfish?"
Dr. Jordan shook her heard, "No, dear. God deeply cares about how we love each other. He has given us the gift and challenge of sexual intimacy in marriage as a real-life, inescapable way to experience and strive for the kind of love He has for us. God's ultimate goal for a marriage is not simply that each couple experience incredible pleasure, but that their pleasure is the outgrowth of the deep love and genuine intimacy developing both within and outside their bedroom, and that it reflects qualities of His character and image."
Kathy, confused, told Anne, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean."
"Let me try to make this to where you'll better understand." Anne said to Her. "If you marry a man, you are going to be sexually incompatible. Sexual differences between a husband and wife can be a spectacular form of blessing. In fact, it is through differences that the deepest unity can be achieved."
"So," Kathy responded, "What you're saying is that this deepest unity can be achieved by not having sex?"
"What I'm saying, Kathy," Dr. Jordan said, "Is that deeper love involves empathy, mercy, forgiveness and unselfishness. A good lover isn't one who loves someone because they make them feel good. A good lover is one who doesn't need sex, but is thankful and accepting when love is offered."
"What do you mean," Kathy asked, "When love is offered?"
Anne rubbed her belly again, "Love isn't always, but can be sexual. God loves us, but we don't truly experience His love until we accept it. We have to be open to God's love, and we have to understand that God wants the best for us. Sometimes this can mean sexual fulfillment, other times it can mean feeling cherished. The best course is to decide to be led by the spirit, not by our selfish desires."
She began thinking as Dr. Jordan was talking. In her head, She was thinking, "No wonder Mr. Jordan is having sex with his students. His wife thinks that wanting sex is selfish. And she obviously doesn't do for him what his students do."
Anne added, "Wanting sex is not a bad thing, within the context of marriage. It's only bad when you see sex as the only way of loving or feeling loved."
Kathy sat back in her chair and folded her arms, "Don't you think that sex is important in marriage?"
Anne smiled, "The goal of sex isn't ultimately just enjoying your spouse, but it is enjoying God as the giver of good gifts. God is better than the best sex. We know this because for all of eternity we will live in a new heaven and new earth better than this one, a world in which we will not experience marriage or sex as we do now, but we will have a better and lasting pleasure with God."
Anne added, "True pleasure is not found in having an amazing sex life, but in an amazing God. You need to bring your sexual satisfaction, or lack thereof, to Jesus, because that is the ultimate goal of it all: to bring you closer to Him."
Kathy sat forward in her chair, "So, sex, or a lack of sex, the goal is to bring us closer to God?"
Anne took a sip of water and said, "Spouses can be wonderful helpers, but they are sorry saviors. The best way to have a blessed sex life is to delight in the God who gives us that gift. Remember that your fulfillment as a person is not dependent on being sexually or romantically fulfilled. Jesus was never married, never romantically involved, and never had sex. Yet, Jesus was the most fully human and complete person who has ever lived."
Kathy said to herself, "Now I really know why Mr. Jordan looks elsewhere for sexual satisfaction. His wife is too hung up on God, and not too concerned about His gift."
Anne told Her, "Right now, my best advice to you is to pray about all of this."
She smiled and told Anne, "I think you've been a great help. And I will pray on this."
Anne told Her that if she ever needed to talk again that her door was always open.
To be continued in part 2, By PolySwingerWife for Literotica.